When Will was about 14 months old, we had decided to fill out our paperwork for our second adoption. We figured our wait would be longer this time because it was our second adoption, and even though we also decided to see Dr. Hilgers in Omaha, we wanted to get our adoption paperwork going. The second time around was a bit easier because we had saved a lot of our information and knew a lot more on things like medical background checks and how long different clearances would take. We were cleared again by American Adoptions just before we went to Omaha.
After we returned from our second trip to Omaha, I was getting antsy from staying home and resting. I was in pretty bad shape still but my mom agreed to take Will and me to Babies R’ Us to buy a few things that we needed for Will. I got a phone call on the way saying we had been matched again! This match was a bit more “typical” meaning that we were matched with a birthmother who was about 6 months pregnant. She wanted to talk to us on the phone as well as meet up with us to “make sure” but really liked our profile and was sure she wanted to choose adoption.
I called my husband at work to talk it over with him and got back to the match specialist at American Adoptions. Everything seemed to be falling into place again and we accepted the match. We agreed to talk with the birth mom on the phone in a few days as well as to meet her in a few weeks. She lived about 8 hours away, so my husband and I drove to meet her on a Sunday.
We spoke with the match specialist a few more times before the initial phone call to the birth mother. This was very helpful, as she gave us advice on what to say (and not say) and gave us some conversation starters. She also assured us that she would be on the line the entire time in case things went horribly or there was information that should not be disclosed (like last names, income, etc).
It was finally the day to talk with the birthmom. This was another one of those “awkward moments” that no matter how ready we were, it was still scary and weird. How do you even start this conversation? Luckily, I am able to talk to just about everyone I’ve ever met, so after a few uncomfortable minutes, we all fell into a fairly natural conversation. After about 45 minutes, we wrapped up the conversation and decided to talk again next in two weeks.
About a month after we were matched, we met up for lunch with the birth mom and her good friend. This was one of the scariest moments of our whole experience. Because we were coming from so far away and I am a freak about being on time, we arrived about an hour and a half early. We hit a few stores that were around the restaurant and then went to the restaurant about 30 minutes early, just in case she was early too. There was no one there waiting for anyone else, so we waited in the waiting area for about 40 minutes. By this time we were getting strange looks from the staff and decided to wait outside on a few benches that were there instead. After another 15 minutes, I decided to call our match specialist to see if she could find out what was happening. She called the birthmother and not only did she not answer, but she had shut her phone off. At this point, I completely freaked out. I was positive she changed her mind about the adoption and did not know how to tell us. We waited about 20 more minutes and...she showed up! I had gotten the time mixed up by an hour and then was running late so...scariest wait time imaginable!
We had a very nice lunch and were able to talk quite a bit. Afterwards we also went to a rose garden nearby to spend a little more time together. We tried to learn as much as we could about her during this time and I’m sure she was doing the same. We left feeling so much better about our match and confident that this was the right decision for all of us.
After a few more phone calls, the due date was finally getting close! We had the nursery all set up, a lot of new toys, clothes, and diapers, and were ready to have our second child!
