The Match

So, we were in the “waiting” phase.  I was so excited to finally be in the active stage, and was enjoying my paper pregnancy.  Would my paper pregnancy be like a normal 9 month pregnancy?  The agency did say about 9-18 months...We had 19 days.  

I had come home from work, was watching tv and waiting for my husband to come home.  It was about 6pm when the phone rang.  Caller ID showed up as American Adoptions, but in the few seconds I had to run to the phone, I convinced myself that they were just checking in.  But, it was after hours.  Hmmm...

I picked up the phone and was told that we had been matched with a couple from New Jersey.  Although the birthmother was not aware of her pregnancy right away, she was healthy and had had a healthy pregnancy.  She did not know the gender of the baby, but the baby was Puerto Rican and Portuguese.  I was so shocked that I kept dropping the phone.  She asked me if I had any questions, and I literally had no idea what to say.  What should I say?  What questions should I ask?  She had just told me that I was going to be a parent...of course I had questions!!!  The social worker told me to talk to my husband and get back to her that night.  Oh yeah, did I tell you that the baby was being born THAT NIGHT???!!!  They were preparing her for a C-section as I was on the phone with the agency.  

I called my husband to tell him the news.  He had tried calling while I was on the other line, so he immediately started talking when I called him back. He started talking about having pork chops for dinner before I could tell him.  Finally I was able to squeak out the words, “we’ve been matched!”  I don’t remember much of the rest of the conversation, but I was a wreck!  I was laughing and crying, literally going through every emotion possible.  It was the strangest feeling to go from living how I had for years, to instantly becoming a mom.  

When my husband got home I could tell he was also a wreck.  His face was red from crying and he had a huge smile on his face.   We sat down for dinner and went for a walk.  There was so much to talk about, but we knew that God had put this baby into our lives at exactly the right time.  Everything had happened so quickly, but we were so excited!  We called back the social worker and told her that we would be out to New Jersey as soon as we could.  We called our families and a few of our friends and told them the news.  

(This is a cute story of telling my parents...I called my parents and my dad answered.  I asked him if he would be able to watch our dog the next day.  After hemming and hawing and telling me how busy he was (he’s retired) he finally agreed.  Then he asked me why I needed him to watch the dog and I told him that we had to catch a flight to New Jersey to go and meet our son or daughter that was about to be born.  I envisioned screaming or crying or something dramatic, but instead he asks, “Well, we need to watch Marty for longer than a day, right?”  WHAT??? Typical guy response :)  After it actually sunk in what I said, he started asking a million questions while my mom was in the background yelling, “What?  What are you talking about?  Are you matched?”  Brock’s dad kept saying, “So, I’m a grandpa!  People can call me ‘grandpa’ now!”  Okay, just a fun story to tell, now back to the main event! )


I don’t think anyone could believe it!  My husband starting booking flights and hotels, and I went to tell my principal that I would need to be on maternity leave for the next 12 weeks.  My husband was completely calm and under control and was able to get all of the details in order.  I, on the other hand, was washing all the clothes, writing 12 weeks of lesson plans, packing, crying, laughing, pacing, etc.

The next morning we finished packing and went in to finish a few things at work.  At about 8:30am we got a call again from the social worker letting us know that the baby was born, was completely healthy, and was a BOY!  We had a son!!!  

We caught our flight and headed to LaGuardia.  (If I did it all over again, I would mess with the people who gave us weird looks walking around with a baby carrier, but no baby :) ) On the flight, we wrote a letter to the birthmom thanking her for her decision to choose adoption as well as for choosing us to be his parents.  We also went through names that we liked, if we got to choose the name.  

Once we were there, we had to get a rental car and make our way to Newark, New Jersey.

Why Start a Blog?

For many years I went through one of the most emotionally painful things I could have ever imagined.  Infertility challenges the most basic truths.  Ask a 5 year old what the difference between a  man and a woman and they will tell you that "women have babies."  There I was, a woman, desperately trying to get pregnant, and was not able to.  I read every book, article, blog, etc. looking for hope or suggestions, and was always inspired by those also struggling with infertility but could keep a positive attitude.  There were a few of my friends that were also struggling with infertility, but most were trying for months, not years.  I felt completely alone.  I had a wonderful support group of amazing family and friends, but I still felt like no one really knew what I was going through.  It is so easy to get caught up in the negativity that it can eat you alive.

The second reason I wanted to get my story out there is because there are a lot of misconceptions on adoption.  I thought adopting domestically would take forever if I wanted a healthy newborn.  I couldn't stand to wait years, when I had already waited years to get pregnant.  Boy, was I wrong!  It is the most amazing experience of my life that I HAVE to share it.  Really, I think I have one of the coolest stories ever :)  If it helps one person thinking of adopting, that is one child who could end up with amazing parents. Do you know that there are 132 million children in our world waiting to be adopted?  Heartbreaking...

My Best Friend/Psychic

Once we decided on adopting, I really didn’t want to talk much about it.  I had gone through so much heartbreak trying to get pregnant, that I thought adopting would lead to more heartbreak.  We told a few people that we were considering it, but asked them to not constantly ask us about it.  We would let them know when there was any updates or news.  My best friend, however, always talked about it.  She took me on a surprise trip to Babies R Us to have me pick out an early shower gift.  She bought me our baby carrier/carseat/stroller.  She kept telling me, “You never know.  You may just get that phone call and have to jump on a plane right away.  You’re going to need this!”  I told her that those types of things happen in the movies, not in real adoptions.  Little did I know...

I also was talking to her about how I hadn’t been able to sleep.  She told me that it was my body telling me that I needed to prepare for a baby soon, just like in pregnancies.  I told her she was crazy and that she needed to stop talking about the adoption.  She was starting to get me believing that this might actually happen.  But again, I had so many heartbreaks, that I couldn’t get myself to actually believe I would be a mom. 

The Beginning

 The Doctors
I love kids...I always have.  I chose the perfect career for it too.  Teaching.  I could teach children all day, and be home and have plenty of time with my family too. When I taught 5th grade, I had a girl in my class whose mother was very involved in setting up adoptions in our state.  Although I was not even engaged at that point in my life, I asked for some information regarding adoption just so I could look through it...

A few years later my husband and I were married.  We practiced Natural Family Planning and quickly decided that we were both ready to have children.  The first few months we weren’t necessarily “trying” but I was a little surprised that I had not yet gotten pregnant.    We became a bit more serious about it and began charting my cycles.  I bought books on how to best chart and it was not making that much sense to me.  What all of the books said would be “obvious” signs were not so obvious.  

I huge fear of mine that I had had my entire life was that I would not be able to have children.  I chose teaching because I thought it was the best career to have if I wanted a family.  Here I was, about 6 months into trying to get pregnant, and still no baby.  Not only was I going to chart my cycles, but I was also going to try ovulation tests.  At first I bought the cheapest ones I could buy and then quickly bought the $40 smiley face ones that there would be no questioning if I was ovulating or not.  The tests showed that I was ovulating regularly every month.  I made an appointment with a fertility specialist after that.  All the doctors I spoke with said that I should wait a full year of trying, but I was at 10 months and getting frustrated, so I rounded up :)

The first time I went to her office, I saw a “Wall of Fame” with pictures of a lot babies that were born with her help.  That was a good sign, right?  There was a series of ultrasounds I went through each month to show if I was ovulating.  Every month I was ovulating at least one healthy egg.  I also had blood work done showing that my hormone levels were within the normal range.  I then had a hysterosalpinogram to see if there was any blockage in my fallopian tubes.  I was told this would be a minor procedure that would be slightly uncomfortable.  I came by myself and had the procedure done.  The good news was that there was just a tiny blockage that got flushed out of my left tube and my right side was perfect.  The bad news was that it hurt so bad that I had passed out from it.  I had heavy cramping and bleeding for a little over a day, but was hopeful that the small blockage was what was causing the problems.  

I waited a few months and the doctor decided to put me on Clomid.  She already knew I was ovulating, but wasn’t sure what else we could do, so we tried it.  The first month I did not have any side effects, thank goodness.  I did not get pregnant though...

The second month was a different story.  I was going to see a friend in Chicago the second day of taking the medicine.  I missed the bus to get to Chicago, so I had to drive there.  No big deal, right?  Wrong.  I was furious.  I chased the bus with my car, and was screaming at the top of my lungs at the bus driver.  I had some of the most foul things I have ever heard come out of my mouth.  I then called my husband to tell him about my tragedy of missing the bus, which led to me bawling my eyes out and him hanging up on my because I was being so irrational.  

I finally got to Chicago, explained to my friends what had happened, and realized I had completely lost my mind.  I could not possibly go on that medication again.  

The doctor had no other recommendations and diagnosed me as “unexplained infertility.”  I decided to go to another doctor, who was known worldwide for some of the infertility issues that are out there.  She took months to get into, but I was hopeful she would be able to find something.  
The Adoption Process
In the meantime, my husband and I decided that we wanted to start the adoption process.  We just wanted children...it didn't matter how they came to us.   We went to a meeting about how to start the process and were overwhelmed with all of the decisions that needed to be made.  After hearing about how smoothly domestic adoptions typically go, we decided to do that.  We were also able to choose from many agencies who match couples with infants.  We were so excited!  

There were so many things to think about though...

Which agency?
Special needs?
Race?
Gender?
Wait time?
Open or closed adoption?

After a lot of research, we chose American Adoptions, a domestic agency that works with all 50 states.  The birth parents get to choose the adoptive parents, which we liked.  This way, we thought would make the birth parents as comfortable as possible with us.  

We had been working on our paperwork, but were dragging our feet.  It seems that we would switch off getting nervous and back off of the paperwork for weeks at a time.  Finally, we decided to take a long weekend and stay at a cabin and finish all of the paperwork.  We sent it in as soon as we got home.  It took a few weeks to get our clearances...the FBI clearance took a really long time!  However, we finally got word that American Adoptions had all of our paperwork and just had to look it over, set up our profile, and we would be notified when this would all happen.  We were also told that that could also take a few weeks.  

It was now the end of January.  My husband and I decided that we wanted to go to the March for Life in Washington DC.  Wow...what an experience!  It was amazing to see so many people marching to the Supreme Court who all were pro-life.  There were many adoption signs and an overwhelming feeling of support and love for children who have been adopted as well as parents who adopt their children.  As we finished our walk and were chatting with people in front of the Supreme Court, we got a phone call.  We were “active” in the adoption process!!!  Now all we had to do was wait for us to be matched with a birthmother!  

Waiting can be difficult.  Our agency told us to continue on with our everyday lives and to try not to think about being matched.  From everything we read, we had months of waiting, right?