At the Hospital

The next couple of days were spent at the hospital.  We would get there early in the morning and spend our whole day (with the exception of dinner) there holding Will and getting to know more about his birth parents.  I felt like this was our chance to get to know everything we could about his birth parents, so we could share it with him whenever he was curious.  We got to meet and spend time with his birth father as well.  He was a bit more quiet and reserved, but also very sweet and loving.  The birth mother told us that he did not want to hold Will, for fear of becoming too attached.  However, on the third day, we came in to the birth mother’s room, and the birth father was holding Will, just staring at him.  It was so touching to see.  My husband and I were so happy that he decided to hold Will, as I would think that if he didn’t hold him, that would be a major point of regret.  By holding Will, the birth father seemed to be so much more comfortable and relaxed afterwards.  The nurses seemed to be getting more comfortable with us as well.  At first, the nurses were very standoffish towards us.  If it weren’t for his birth mom, I wouldn’t even have been able to get a wristband to get him from the nursery.  As time passed, the nurses became sweeter and sweeter.  They began to ask more questions about us and wanted to get to know us better.  We even got our own room, although it was more for storage.  We were surrounded by blood pressure monitors and breast pumps, but at least we got time alone with our son.  

Will’s birth mother was released from the hospital the night before we were to sign the papers agreeing to the adoption.  This was extremely emotional for everyone, but we had already made plans to see them again, so this wasn’t the official “goodbye.”  We actually drove her back home.  She told us she really wanted us to go back to the hospital to spend the rest of the night with Will.  That was our plan, but I thought it was so sweet that she did not want him to be alone.  

As we got to know them better, she told us more of why they chose adoption.  I kept trying to put myself in her position and all I could think was, “this baby is so perfect and I want him in my life.”  I kept thinking that she would have to change her mind...he was too incredible of a person to not have as her son.  Come to find out, she was thinking the same thing.  Luckily, she put him above her own wants and needs.  She had worked with a social worker and had seen so many families on welfare, dropping out of school, living in the ghetto, and struggling throughout their entire lives.  She told us that she did not want to raise a baby without being able to give him or her the absolute best in life.  More than anything, she wanted to have children, but at that point in her life, she was not able to provide the life she wanted to give a child.  The birth father knew this as well and also wanted the best for Will.  It was this conversation that truly made me understand why people choose adoption.  Love.

Suitcases

As we got back to the hotel, we actually had a few minutes to settle into our new “home” for the next 10 days.  As we unpacked our suitcases, we quickly found how scatterbrained we were as we packed.  I wanted to make sure that I was able to work out while I was there, so I could have some time to myself and not get so overwhelmed with what was happening.  Unfortunately, I forgot to pack any socks or shoes.  None.  At all.  I made up for it in underwear though, because I brought at least 20 pairs.  So, I ended up working out in my black dress shoes...no big deal.  

Brock was also not so good at packing.  He forgot all of his underwear and t-shirts.  He also only had maybe 3 shirts to wear and 2 pairs of pants.  

Will was set though.  I packed a full sized suitcase for just him.  It included probably 40 onesies, 15 hats, and 20 pairs of pajamas.  Many of those were pink because I had borrowed them, but he didn’t know the difference.  He also had multiple shampoos, soaps, lotions, creams, and anything else that you could buy at Target. 

Meeting the Birthmom

The drive to the hospital was the most intense drive I have ever experienced.  It wasn’t that there was traffic or we got lost, but it was that we were driving to a hospital late at night, to meet our son, who someone else just gave birth to.  How do you even begin to prepare yourself for that?  

We left LaGuardia and headed into Newark.  Driving through, we knew we were in a pretty rough area. We saw bars on all of the windows, abandoned stores and houses, and people swarming the streets.  However, the hospital was just outside of Newark, and was absolutely beautiful.  There were gorgeous stone houses all around, and the hospital was state of the art.  We got to the hospital around 8:30 at night.  As we got to the maternity wing, we had to be buzzed in.  As we rang the bell, a nurse answered and told us that we would have to come back the next day because visiting hours were over.  I quickly responded that she did not understand, we could not wait any longer and that she HAD to let us in.  That might have been the first “fiercely protective” motherly thing experienced.  I would be seeing my son that night whether they let me in or not.  Reluctantly she did let us come in and I didn’t have to break down any doors :)  Feeling I would throw up, pee my pants, cry, or some other crazy reaction because I was so nervous, we went into the birthmother’s room.  My heart sank when I saw her back to us, holding our baby.  She had 72 hours to decide whether or not she would choose adoption, and I thought, in this moment, that she had changed her mind.  As soon as she heard us though, she turned toward us, smiled, handed me our son, and said, “meet your son!”  In this moment, my entire heart belonged to this 7 pound 2 ounce baby boy.  He was amazing...everything about him.  As I held him, I just melted.  I tried to keep a distance between us, just in case she changed her mind, but I couldn’t.  He was my son and the love I had for him was a love that would stay with me forever.  I just stared at him.  I memorized every expression on his face and every hair on his head.  He was absolutely perfect.  

I’m not sure how long it was for me to realize that there were other people in the room, but eventually I came back to reality.  I handed our son to my husband to hold.  This was really the first time he had ever held a baby.  He looked so nervous and uncomfortable, but it was one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen.  The way he stared at our son was so full of love.  I knew he had also completely fallen in love with this little boy.  

I had no idea what I was going to say to his birthmother.  Where do you even begin this conversation?  Thankfully, she was just as amazing as the boy she gave birth to.  She was outgoing, sweet, loving, and talkative.  She told us all about herself, her boyfriend, family, friends, career, etc.  I tried to keep a mental note of everything she told us.  I knew that every bit of information was important, and I wanted to eventually tell our son everything we had learned about her.  I kept a small notebook at the hotel to write everything down in.  

After hours of talking with her, we figured we should let her rest.  After all, it was 2am by the time any of us even looked at a clock!  It was amazing the bond we had with her.  My husband and I both thought she was so amazing.  Now, looking back, it only makes sense that we had this strong bond with her and that we both loved her so much as well, because anyone who is biologically connected to our son has to be an incredible person.  

Heading back to our hotel, we talked about names a little bit more and decided to sleep on it.  That night we both had such peace in our hearts and slept like babies.  We woke up like kids on Christmas Day.  We were so excited to get back to the hospital and spend more time with our son.  As my husband was in the shower, I went to tell him that I liked the name he wanted to name our son, he told me he liked the name I wanted to choose.  So...I WON!  Our son would be named William.