In
my first entry, I briefly talked about how I was also seeing a
fertility specialist. After adopting our first son, we decided to see a
different doctor. She was highly recommended in the area and I wanted
to see someone who might be able to find something that the other
specialist had not seen. So, I started my testing over. I had another
hysterosalpingogram, which was not nearly as bad. She also recommended
that I have an exploratory surgery. I had a surgery which found that I
had a little bit of endometriosis. The doctor was able to remove what
she had seen as well as get a “kink” out of my fallopian tube. I was
excited to finally have a bit of an explanation. She told me to “call
her in the next 6 months” because she was sure I would be pregnant. I
was ecstatic!
With
each month I became more discouraged. Thank goodness I had my son to
help me through these sad times, but it was still filled with
frustration. After 6 months, I went back to see her and she suggested
that I do in vitro. In all of the testing, we found that ovulating was
definitely not the problem, so I wasn’t sure why in vitro was “the
answer.” It didn’t make sense. However, I wasn’t necessarily thinking
clearly either. This was so difficult. I had someone telling me that I
would have biological children by doing in vitro, even though there
were clearly different issues that caused me not to get pregnant. And,
it was a lot of money with no guarantees. Adoption, however, I knew was
perfect for us, and we could put the money towards another adoption. I
also talked with our priest about in vitro and why the Catholic Church
did not support in vitro. It wasn’t until I emailed Cardinal Dolan (at
the time, Archbishop Dolan) that I got an answer that satisfied me. It
was such a beautiful explanation, rather than a condemnation.
It
was a hard decision, but we decided that we would not do in vitro. We
would, however, find a doctor who could give us some answers. We found
that doctor in Omaha.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Coming Home
In order to be cleared to come home, we needed to get a call from ICPC telling us it was okay. We had been in New Jersey for 10 days now, and we were coming up on the weekend, which ICPC does not work. Then, that next Monday, was President’s Day, which they also don’t work. We were desperately hoping to hear from them before the weekend. At about 3pm we got a call letting us know that we were cleared to leave New Jersey, but not yet cleared to enter Wisconsin. We decided to get a flight as soon as possible and fly to Illinois and stay with my husband’s parents until we were cleared. We got a flight at 5:30 that night to Chicago. No problem. 2 ½ hours to make it to LaGuardia Ne and catch our flight. We literally stuffed everything into suitcases and ran out of the hotel. We jumped in our car and headed into New York City...on a Friday...in rush hour. There was absolutely no way we were going to make our flight. Luckily, as we were going through a tunnel into NYC, we got a call clearing us for Wisconsin. I was then scrambling to try to change our flight. I kept losing cell phone connection, so I called my mom to try to get everything changed for me. We also called a friend that my husband works with to see what she could do. Will was starving at this point, so as we were on 5th Avenue, trying to change our flights, stuck in traffic, I also had to give him a bottle. It was a little stressful. After many phone calls and telling a very nice woman on Midwest Airlines our whole story, we got our flight changed (and to a later time, so we could make it!) The flight home was uneventful. Will slept the entire way home. Arriving at the airport was such an amazing feeling. It was the first time our son got to meet a family member. My dad was the one to pick us up. As I write this, I am getting teary. I will never forget the look on my dad’s face. Anyone who knows my dad knows that he tries to be a tough guy, but he is a softy. He absolutely loves his grandkids. He had tears in his eyes and the biggest smile on his face. He couldn’t even speak, he just grabbed Will from me and stared at him. We got home at about 9pm and were welcomed by my mom, mother-in-law, father-in-law, brother, sister-in-law, and my nephews. My nephews had made a huge “Welcome Home Will!” sign for him too! My best friend and her daughter also came over shortly after we got home. We ate pizza and told everyone what our past ten days entailed. Although we called each of them multiple times a day, it was great to be able to tell it to them in person!
The next few days and weeks were flooded with family and friends. I couldn’t believe how amazing everyone was. We got so many gifts that I had to buy thank you cards just about every day! It was so nice to get to share our happiness with everyone around us. Our baby boy was already so loved and welcomed into our family and community.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Our Stay in New Jersey
The next few days were, needless to say, interesting. We had a lot of time in our hotel and didn’t necessarily want to go many places in Newark with a newborn. One night we drove about an hour to meet up with one of my husband’s coworkers who lived in New Jersey. I remember talking with my husband about how nice it was to get out of the hotel and be in the car. It didn’t matter how far we had to drive, we were going to see someone we knew! We had a nice dinner out and Will was the perfect little gentleman.
The next day we were meeting up with Will’s birth parents at TGI Fridays. It was so nice to see them again. The hospital was so emotional, so this was a nice way for us to get together in a place that was more “normal.” We had a great time talking, taking pictures, and eating. They seemed to be doing really well and were still feeling like their decision was what was best for Will. It was so nice to see them again that we decided to get together with them again before we left.
The next day we drove to meet another friend for dinner. I actually met him for the first time at the March for Life, where we were first “active” in the adoption process, just a few weeks before. He drove in from Pennsylvania, which was about 2 hours away, I think. We were so grateful to have him come out to have dinner with us (in Princeton, which was AWESOME!). Thanks Damian!!! For anyone in the adoption process, I highly recommend trying to meet up with anyone within a few hours of where you will be. It helped us so much to be “proud parents” and show off our baby to people we knew. These friends have a special place in my heart, as they were the first to see our family of three!
Towards the end of the week, we met up again with Will’s birth parents. They actually came to our hotel and we played board games in a common area. At the time, and looking back, I find this weird. Good, but weird. It is strange to think that we were hanging out, playing board games, with the woman who recently gave birth to our son, and her boyfriend. Also, anyone who has ever played board games with me is probably laughing at how difficult of a position this put me in. I am extremely competitive and loud when playing board games. Oh, and sweaty. Yup, all things that I tried to hide while playing, but came out within 20 minutes of playing. Thank goodness they found my behavior entertaining and not crazy!
The end of the night was hard. This would be the last time they see Will. There were a lot of tears and kisses, and eventually my husband drove them home. I stayed back with Will and just held him. I was so thankful that God put him into our lives, but it broke my heart knowing the pain they were feeling.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Valentine's Day
We
were set to sign the papers gaining all custody and parental rights on
Valentine’s Day. We got up early that morning and headed to the
hospital to be with Will. The social worker showed up around noon and
we went into a room to sign the papers. She said that everything had
gone smoothly that morning with the birth parents and that they were
confident in their decision to terminate all rights. She went through
all of the papers very thoroughly, but I barely remember any of it. I
was so nervous. Do you get that feeling right before you pass out,
where you can barely hear anything and everything seems to be moving in
slow motion? That is how I felt through the entire signing...
After signing the papers, I went into “mom mode” and made sure we had diapers, formula, signed papers to be released from the hospital, the car seat properly installed, and a million other things. My husband, on the other hand, got hit with reality. He was holding Will and BAWLING! The nurses were teasing his to “get a grip” before he left the hospital. At this time, I could see that all of the emotions that I seemed to be slowly going through in the entire “trying to get pregnant/adoption” process, had hit him all at once.
I vividly remember getting into the car with Will. We checked the car seat a few hundred times and I jumped into the passenger side as my husband drove us. He asked me if I should be sitting in the backseat and I immediately thought to myself, “Oh my gosh! Should I? Is that what moms do? Do I not have those ‘mommy instincts’ I should?” Those emotions quickly turned into excitement. This was the first time we had been with Will where he was in our legal custody. It was official. We were parents!!!
We drove ten miles under the speed limit back to our hotel and introduced him to the hotel staff. We wanted so badly to “show off” our new son, so we ended up showing him to everyone in the hotel. We befriended the concierges, cleaning, staff, cooks, etc. just to have someone to oogle at him as well. Not having people we knew at the hotel with us was difficult. We were 1000 miles away from any of our family or friends and had so many questions to ask and so many people we wanted him to meet. The wait to come home was so hard.
But, we tried to make the best of it. However, things got a little uncomfortable as we sat in our hotel room, in the middle of Newark, on Valentine’s Day. Let’s just say that our neighbors were not very considerate of us having a newborn. Enough said? Ugh...
My husband and I decided to celebrate our first night as official parents as well as Valentine’s Day, but were terrified to take Will out. My husband went out to get us a nice dinner, which consisted of steak and lobster. Things were perfect! A beautiful son, an amazing husband, Valentine’s Day, and a wonderful dinner! All we needed now was silverware. No such luck. We ate our steak and lobster like cavemen...picking it up with our hands and gnawing on it. Oh well.
After signing the papers, I went into “mom mode” and made sure we had diapers, formula, signed papers to be released from the hospital, the car seat properly installed, and a million other things. My husband, on the other hand, got hit with reality. He was holding Will and BAWLING! The nurses were teasing his to “get a grip” before he left the hospital. At this time, I could see that all of the emotions that I seemed to be slowly going through in the entire “trying to get pregnant/adoption” process, had hit him all at once.
I vividly remember getting into the car with Will. We checked the car seat a few hundred times and I jumped into the passenger side as my husband drove us. He asked me if I should be sitting in the backseat and I immediately thought to myself, “Oh my gosh! Should I? Is that what moms do? Do I not have those ‘mommy instincts’ I should?” Those emotions quickly turned into excitement. This was the first time we had been with Will where he was in our legal custody. It was official. We were parents!!!
We drove ten miles under the speed limit back to our hotel and introduced him to the hotel staff. We wanted so badly to “show off” our new son, so we ended up showing him to everyone in the hotel. We befriended the concierges, cleaning, staff, cooks, etc. just to have someone to oogle at him as well. Not having people we knew at the hotel with us was difficult. We were 1000 miles away from any of our family or friends and had so many questions to ask and so many people we wanted him to meet. The wait to come home was so hard.
But, we tried to make the best of it. However, things got a little uncomfortable as we sat in our hotel room, in the middle of Newark, on Valentine’s Day. Let’s just say that our neighbors were not very considerate of us having a newborn. Enough said? Ugh...
My husband and I decided to celebrate our first night as official parents as well as Valentine’s Day, but were terrified to take Will out. My husband went out to get us a nice dinner, which consisted of steak and lobster. Things were perfect! A beautiful son, an amazing husband, Valentine’s Day, and a wonderful dinner! All we needed now was silverware. No such luck. We ate our steak and lobster like cavemen...picking it up with our hands and gnawing on it. Oh well.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
At the Hospital
The
next couple of days were spent at the hospital. We would get there
early in the morning and spend our whole day (with the exception of
dinner) there holding Will and getting to know more about his birth
parents. I felt like this was our chance to get to know everything we
could about his birth parents, so we could share it with him whenever he
was curious. We got to meet and spend time with his birth father as
well. He was a bit more quiet and reserved, but also very sweet and
loving. The birth mother told us that he did not want to hold Will, for
fear of becoming too attached. However, on the third day, we came in
to the birth mother’s room, and the birth father was holding Will, just
staring at him. It was so touching to see. My husband and I were so
happy that he decided to hold Will, as I would think that if he didn’t
hold him, that would be a major point of regret. By holding Will, the
birth father seemed to be so much more comfortable and relaxed
afterwards. The nurses seemed to be getting more comfortable with us as
well. At first, the nurses were very standoffish towards us. If it
weren’t for his birth mom, I wouldn’t even have been able to get a
wristband to get him from the nursery. As time passed, the nurses
became sweeter and sweeter. They began to ask more questions about us
and wanted to get to know us better. We even got our own room, although
it was more for storage. We were surrounded by blood pressure monitors
and breast pumps, but at least we got time alone with our son.
Will’s birth mother was released from the hospital the night before we were to sign the papers agreeing to the adoption. This was extremely emotional for everyone, but we had already made plans to see them again, so this wasn’t the official “goodbye.” We actually drove her back home. She told us she really wanted us to go back to the hospital to spend the rest of the night with Will. That was our plan, but I thought it was so sweet that she did not want him to be alone.
As we got to know them better, she told us more of why they chose adoption. I kept trying to put myself in her position and all I could think was, “this baby is so perfect and I want him in my life.” I kept thinking that she would have to change her mind...he was too incredible of a person to not have as her son. Come to find out, she was thinking the same thing. Luckily, she put him above her own wants and needs. She had worked with a social worker and had seen so many families on welfare, dropping out of school, living in the ghetto, and struggling throughout their entire lives. She told us that she did not want to raise a baby without being able to give him or her the absolute best in life. More than anything, she wanted to have children, but at that point in her life, she was not able to provide the life she wanted to give a child. The birth father knew this as well and also wanted the best for Will. It was this conversation that truly made me understand why people choose adoption. Love.
Will’s birth mother was released from the hospital the night before we were to sign the papers agreeing to the adoption. This was extremely emotional for everyone, but we had already made plans to see them again, so this wasn’t the official “goodbye.” We actually drove her back home. She told us she really wanted us to go back to the hospital to spend the rest of the night with Will. That was our plan, but I thought it was so sweet that she did not want him to be alone.
As we got to know them better, she told us more of why they chose adoption. I kept trying to put myself in her position and all I could think was, “this baby is so perfect and I want him in my life.” I kept thinking that she would have to change her mind...he was too incredible of a person to not have as her son. Come to find out, she was thinking the same thing. Luckily, she put him above her own wants and needs. She had worked with a social worker and had seen so many families on welfare, dropping out of school, living in the ghetto, and struggling throughout their entire lives. She told us that she did not want to raise a baby without being able to give him or her the absolute best in life. More than anything, she wanted to have children, but at that point in her life, she was not able to provide the life she wanted to give a child. The birth father knew this as well and also wanted the best for Will. It was this conversation that truly made me understand why people choose adoption. Love.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Suitcases
As
we got back to the hotel, we actually had a few minutes to settle into
our new “home” for the next 10 days. As we unpacked our suitcases, we
quickly found how scatterbrained we were as we packed. I wanted to make
sure that I was able to work out while I was there, so I could have
some time to myself and not get so overwhelmed with what was happening.
Unfortunately, I forgot to pack any socks or shoes. None. At all. I
made up for it in underwear though, because I brought at least 20 pairs.
So, I ended up working out in my black dress shoes...no big deal.
Brock was also not so good at packing. He forgot all of his underwear and t-shirts. He also only had maybe 3 shirts to wear and 2 pairs of pants.
Will was set though. I packed a full sized suitcase for just him. It included probably 40 onesies, 15 hats, and 20 pairs of pajamas. Many of those were pink because I had borrowed them, but he didn’t know the difference. He also had multiple shampoos, soaps, lotions, creams, and anything else that you could buy at Target.
Brock was also not so good at packing. He forgot all of his underwear and t-shirts. He also only had maybe 3 shirts to wear and 2 pairs of pants.
Will was set though. I packed a full sized suitcase for just him. It included probably 40 onesies, 15 hats, and 20 pairs of pajamas. Many of those were pink because I had borrowed them, but he didn’t know the difference. He also had multiple shampoos, soaps, lotions, creams, and anything else that you could buy at Target.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Meeting the Birthmom
The
drive to the hospital was the most intense drive I have ever
experienced. It wasn’t that there was traffic or we got lost, but it
was that we were driving to a hospital late at night, to meet our son,
who someone else just gave birth to. How do you even begin to prepare
yourself for that?
We left LaGuardia and headed into Newark. Driving through, we knew we were in a pretty rough area. We saw bars on all of the windows, abandoned stores and houses, and people swarming the streets. However, the hospital was just outside of Newark, and was absolutely beautiful. There were gorgeous stone houses all around, and the hospital was state of the art. We got to the hospital around 8:30 at night. As we got to the maternity wing, we had to be buzzed in. As we rang the bell, a nurse answered and told us that we would have to come back the next day because visiting hours were over. I quickly responded that she did not understand, we could not wait any longer and that she HAD to let us in. That might have been the first “fiercely protective” motherly thing experienced. I would be seeing my son that night whether they let me in or not. Reluctantly she did let us come in and I didn’t have to break down any doors :) Feeling I would throw up, pee my pants, cry, or some other crazy reaction because I was so nervous, we went into the birthmother’s room. My heart sank when I saw her back to us, holding our baby. She had 72 hours to decide whether or not she would choose adoption, and I thought, in this moment, that she had changed her mind. As soon as she heard us though, she turned toward us, smiled, handed me our son, and said, “meet your son!” In this moment, my entire heart belonged to this 7 pound 2 ounce baby boy. He was amazing...everything about him. As I held him, I just melted. I tried to keep a distance between us, just in case she changed her mind, but I couldn’t. He was my son and the love I had for him was a love that would stay with me forever. I just stared at him. I memorized every expression on his face and every hair on his head. He was absolutely perfect.
I’m not sure how long it was for me to realize that there were other people in the room, but eventually I came back to reality. I handed our son to my husband to hold. This was really the first time he had ever held a baby. He looked so nervous and uncomfortable, but it was one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen. The way he stared at our son was so full of love. I knew he had also completely fallen in love with this little boy.
I had no idea what I was going to say to his birthmother. Where do you even begin this conversation? Thankfully, she was just as amazing as the boy she gave birth to. She was outgoing, sweet, loving, and talkative. She told us all about herself, her boyfriend, family, friends, career, etc. I tried to keep a mental note of everything she told us. I knew that every bit of information was important, and I wanted to eventually tell our son everything we had learned about her. I kept a small notebook at the hotel to write everything down in.
After hours of talking with her, we figured we should let her rest. After all, it was 2am by the time any of us even looked at a clock! It was amazing the bond we had with her. My husband and I both thought she was so amazing. Now, looking back, it only makes sense that we had this strong bond with her and that we both loved her so much as well, because anyone who is biologically connected to our son has to be an incredible person.
Heading back to our hotel, we talked about names a little bit more and decided to sleep on it. That night we both had such peace in our hearts and slept like babies. We woke up like kids on Christmas Day. We were so excited to get back to the hospital and spend more time with our son. As my husband was in the shower, I went to tell him that I liked the name he wanted to name our son, he told me he liked the name I wanted to choose. So...I WON! Our son would be named William.
We left LaGuardia and headed into Newark. Driving through, we knew we were in a pretty rough area. We saw bars on all of the windows, abandoned stores and houses, and people swarming the streets. However, the hospital was just outside of Newark, and was absolutely beautiful. There were gorgeous stone houses all around, and the hospital was state of the art. We got to the hospital around 8:30 at night. As we got to the maternity wing, we had to be buzzed in. As we rang the bell, a nurse answered and told us that we would have to come back the next day because visiting hours were over. I quickly responded that she did not understand, we could not wait any longer and that she HAD to let us in. That might have been the first “fiercely protective” motherly thing experienced. I would be seeing my son that night whether they let me in or not. Reluctantly she did let us come in and I didn’t have to break down any doors :) Feeling I would throw up, pee my pants, cry, or some other crazy reaction because I was so nervous, we went into the birthmother’s room. My heart sank when I saw her back to us, holding our baby. She had 72 hours to decide whether or not she would choose adoption, and I thought, in this moment, that she had changed her mind. As soon as she heard us though, she turned toward us, smiled, handed me our son, and said, “meet your son!” In this moment, my entire heart belonged to this 7 pound 2 ounce baby boy. He was amazing...everything about him. As I held him, I just melted. I tried to keep a distance between us, just in case she changed her mind, but I couldn’t. He was my son and the love I had for him was a love that would stay with me forever. I just stared at him. I memorized every expression on his face and every hair on his head. He was absolutely perfect.
I’m not sure how long it was for me to realize that there were other people in the room, but eventually I came back to reality. I handed our son to my husband to hold. This was really the first time he had ever held a baby. He looked so nervous and uncomfortable, but it was one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen. The way he stared at our son was so full of love. I knew he had also completely fallen in love with this little boy.
I had no idea what I was going to say to his birthmother. Where do you even begin this conversation? Thankfully, she was just as amazing as the boy she gave birth to. She was outgoing, sweet, loving, and talkative. She told us all about herself, her boyfriend, family, friends, career, etc. I tried to keep a mental note of everything she told us. I knew that every bit of information was important, and I wanted to eventually tell our son everything we had learned about her. I kept a small notebook at the hotel to write everything down in.
After hours of talking with her, we figured we should let her rest. After all, it was 2am by the time any of us even looked at a clock! It was amazing the bond we had with her. My husband and I both thought she was so amazing. Now, looking back, it only makes sense that we had this strong bond with her and that we both loved her so much as well, because anyone who is biologically connected to our son has to be an incredible person.
Heading back to our hotel, we talked about names a little bit more and decided to sleep on it. That night we both had such peace in our hearts and slept like babies. We woke up like kids on Christmas Day. We were so excited to get back to the hospital and spend more time with our son. As my husband was in the shower, I went to tell him that I liked the name he wanted to name our son, he told me he liked the name I wanted to choose. So...I WON! Our son would be named William.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
The Match
So,
we were in the “waiting” phase. I was so excited to finally be in the
active stage, and was enjoying my paper pregnancy. Would my paper
pregnancy be like a normal 9 month pregnancy? The agency did say about
9-18 months...We had 19 days.
I had come home from work, was watching tv and waiting for my husband to come home. It was about 6pm when the phone rang. Caller ID showed up as American Adoptions, but in the few seconds I had to run to the phone, I convinced myself that they were just checking in. But, it was after hours. Hmmm...
I picked up the phone and was told that we had been matched with a couple from New Jersey. Although the birthmother was not aware of her pregnancy right away, she was healthy and had had a healthy pregnancy. She did not know the gender of the baby, but the baby was Puerto Rican and Portuguese. I was so shocked that I kept dropping the phone. She asked me if I had any questions, and I literally had no idea what to say. What should I say? What questions should I ask? She had just told me that I was going to be a parent...of course I had questions!!! The social worker told me to talk to my husband and get back to her that night. Oh yeah, did I tell you that the baby was being born THAT NIGHT???!!! They were preparing her for a C-section as I was on the phone with the agency.
I called my husband to tell him the news. He had tried calling while I was on the other line, so he immediately started talking when I called him back. He started talking about having pork chops for dinner before I could tell him. Finally I was able to squeak out the words, “we’ve been matched!” I don’t remember much of the rest of the conversation, but I was a wreck! I was laughing and crying, literally going through every emotion possible. It was the strangest feeling to go from living how I had for years, to instantly becoming a mom.
When my husband got home I could tell he was also a wreck. His face was red from crying and he had a huge smile on his face. We sat down for dinner and went for a walk. There was so much to talk about, but we knew that God had put this baby into our lives at exactly the right time. Everything had happened so quickly, but we were so excited! We called back the social worker and told her that we would be out to New Jersey as soon as we could. We called our families and a few of our friends and told them the news.
(This is a cute story of telling my parents...I called my parents and my dad answered. I asked him if he would be able to watch our dog the next day. After hemming and hawing and telling me how busy he was (he’s retired) he finally agreed. Then he asked me why I needed him to watch the dog and I told him that we had to catch a flight to New Jersey to go and meet our son or daughter that was about to be born. I envisioned screaming or crying or something dramatic, but instead he asks, “Well, we need to watch Marty for longer than a day, right?” WHAT??? Typical guy response :) After it actually sunk in what I said, he started asking a million questions while my mom was in the background yelling, “What? What are you talking about? Are you matched?” Brock’s dad kept saying, “So, I’m a grandpa! People can call me ‘grandpa’ now!” Okay, just a fun story to tell, now back to the main event! )
I don’t think anyone could believe it! My husband starting booking flights and hotels, and I went to tell my principal that I would need to be on maternity leave for the next 12 weeks. My husband was completely calm and under control and was able to get all of the details in order. I, on the other hand, was washing all the clothes, writing 12 weeks of lesson plans, packing, crying, laughing, pacing, etc.
The next morning we finished packing and went in to finish a few things at work. At about 8:30am we got a call again from the social worker letting us know that the baby was born, was completely healthy, and was a BOY! We had a son!!!
We caught our flight and headed to LaGuardia. (If I did it all over again, I would mess with the people who gave us weird looks walking around with a baby carrier, but no baby :) ) On the flight, we wrote a letter to the birthmom thanking her for her decision to choose adoption as well as for choosing us to be his parents. We also went through names that we liked, if we got to choose the name.
Once we were there, we had to get a rental car and make our way to Newark, New Jersey.
I had come home from work, was watching tv and waiting for my husband to come home. It was about 6pm when the phone rang. Caller ID showed up as American Adoptions, but in the few seconds I had to run to the phone, I convinced myself that they were just checking in. But, it was after hours. Hmmm...
I picked up the phone and was told that we had been matched with a couple from New Jersey. Although the birthmother was not aware of her pregnancy right away, she was healthy and had had a healthy pregnancy. She did not know the gender of the baby, but the baby was Puerto Rican and Portuguese. I was so shocked that I kept dropping the phone. She asked me if I had any questions, and I literally had no idea what to say. What should I say? What questions should I ask? She had just told me that I was going to be a parent...of course I had questions!!! The social worker told me to talk to my husband and get back to her that night. Oh yeah, did I tell you that the baby was being born THAT NIGHT???!!! They were preparing her for a C-section as I was on the phone with the agency.
I called my husband to tell him the news. He had tried calling while I was on the other line, so he immediately started talking when I called him back. He started talking about having pork chops for dinner before I could tell him. Finally I was able to squeak out the words, “we’ve been matched!” I don’t remember much of the rest of the conversation, but I was a wreck! I was laughing and crying, literally going through every emotion possible. It was the strangest feeling to go from living how I had for years, to instantly becoming a mom.
When my husband got home I could tell he was also a wreck. His face was red from crying and he had a huge smile on his face. We sat down for dinner and went for a walk. There was so much to talk about, but we knew that God had put this baby into our lives at exactly the right time. Everything had happened so quickly, but we were so excited! We called back the social worker and told her that we would be out to New Jersey as soon as we could. We called our families and a few of our friends and told them the news.
(This is a cute story of telling my parents...I called my parents and my dad answered. I asked him if he would be able to watch our dog the next day. After hemming and hawing and telling me how busy he was (he’s retired) he finally agreed. Then he asked me why I needed him to watch the dog and I told him that we had to catch a flight to New Jersey to go and meet our son or daughter that was about to be born. I envisioned screaming or crying or something dramatic, but instead he asks, “Well, we need to watch Marty for longer than a day, right?” WHAT??? Typical guy response :) After it actually sunk in what I said, he started asking a million questions while my mom was in the background yelling, “What? What are you talking about? Are you matched?” Brock’s dad kept saying, “So, I’m a grandpa! People can call me ‘grandpa’ now!” Okay, just a fun story to tell, now back to the main event! )
I don’t think anyone could believe it! My husband starting booking flights and hotels, and I went to tell my principal that I would need to be on maternity leave for the next 12 weeks. My husband was completely calm and under control and was able to get all of the details in order. I, on the other hand, was washing all the clothes, writing 12 weeks of lesson plans, packing, crying, laughing, pacing, etc.
The next morning we finished packing and went in to finish a few things at work. At about 8:30am we got a call again from the social worker letting us know that the baby was born, was completely healthy, and was a BOY! We had a son!!!
We caught our flight and headed to LaGuardia. (If I did it all over again, I would mess with the people who gave us weird looks walking around with a baby carrier, but no baby :) ) On the flight, we wrote a letter to the birthmom thanking her for her decision to choose adoption as well as for choosing us to be his parents. We also went through names that we liked, if we got to choose the name.
Once we were there, we had to get a rental car and make our way to Newark, New Jersey.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Why Start a Blog?
For many years I went through one of the most emotionally painful things I could have ever imagined. Infertility challenges the most basic truths. Ask a 5 year old what the difference between a man and a woman and they will tell you that "women have babies." There I was, a woman, desperately trying to get pregnant, and was not able to. I read every book, article, blog, etc. looking for hope or suggestions, and was always inspired by those also struggling with infertility but could keep a positive attitude. There were a few of my friends that were also struggling with infertility, but most were trying for months, not years. I felt completely alone. I had a wonderful support group of amazing family and friends, but I still felt like no one really knew what I was going through. It is so easy to get caught up in the negativity that it can eat you alive.
The second reason I wanted to get my story out there is because there are a lot of misconceptions on adoption. I thought adopting domestically would take forever if I wanted a healthy newborn. I couldn't stand to wait years, when I had already waited years to get pregnant. Boy, was I wrong! It is the most amazing experience of my life that I HAVE to share it. Really, I think I have one of the coolest stories ever :) If it helps one person thinking of adopting, that is one child who could end up with amazing parents. Do you know that there are 132 million children in our world waiting to be adopted? Heartbreaking...
The second reason I wanted to get my story out there is because there are a lot of misconceptions on adoption. I thought adopting domestically would take forever if I wanted a healthy newborn. I couldn't stand to wait years, when I had already waited years to get pregnant. Boy, was I wrong! It is the most amazing experience of my life that I HAVE to share it. Really, I think I have one of the coolest stories ever :) If it helps one person thinking of adopting, that is one child who could end up with amazing parents. Do you know that there are 132 million children in our world waiting to be adopted? Heartbreaking...
Sunday, September 9, 2012
My Best Friend/Psychic
Once
we decided on adopting, I really didn’t want to talk much about it. I
had gone through so much heartbreak trying to get pregnant, that I
thought adopting would lead to more heartbreak. We told a few people
that we were considering it, but asked them to not constantly ask us
about it. We would let them know when there was any updates or news.
My best friend, however, always talked about it. She took me on a
surprise trip to Babies R Us to have me pick out an early shower gift.
She bought me our baby carrier/carseat/stroller. She kept telling me,
“You never know. You may just get that phone call and have to jump on a
plane right away. You’re going to need this!” I told her that those
types of things happen in the movies, not in real adoptions. Little did
I know...
I also was talking to her about how I hadn’t been able to sleep. She told me that it was my body telling me that I needed to prepare for a baby soon, just like in pregnancies. I told her she was crazy and that she needed to stop talking about the adoption. She was starting to get me believing that this might actually happen. But again, I had so many heartbreaks, that I couldn’t get myself to actually believe I would be a mom.
I also was talking to her about how I hadn’t been able to sleep. She told me that it was my body telling me that I needed to prepare for a baby soon, just like in pregnancies. I told her she was crazy and that she needed to stop talking about the adoption. She was starting to get me believing that this might actually happen. But again, I had so many heartbreaks, that I couldn’t get myself to actually believe I would be a mom.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
The Beginning
The Doctors
I love kids...I always have. I chose the perfect career for it too. Teaching. I could teach children all day, and be home and have plenty of time with my family too. When I taught 5th grade, I had a girl in my class whose mother was very involved in setting up adoptions in our state. Although I was not even engaged at that point in my life, I asked for some information regarding adoption just so I could look through it...
A few years later my husband and I were married. We practiced Natural Family Planning and quickly decided that we were both ready to have children. The first few months we weren’t necessarily “trying” but I was a little surprised that I had not yet gotten pregnant. We became a bit more serious about it and began charting my cycles. I bought books on how to best chart and it was not making that much sense to me. What all of the books said would be “obvious” signs were not so obvious.
I huge fear of mine that I had had my entire life was that I would not be able to have children. I chose teaching because I thought it was the best career to have if I wanted a family. Here I was, about 6 months into trying to get pregnant, and still no baby. Not only was I going to chart my cycles, but I was also going to try ovulation tests. At first I bought the cheapest ones I could buy and then quickly bought the $40 smiley face ones that there would be no questioning if I was ovulating or not. The tests showed that I was ovulating regularly every month. I made an appointment with a fertility specialist after that. All the doctors I spoke with said that I should wait a full year of trying, but I was at 10 months and getting frustrated, so I rounded up :)
The first time I went to her office, I saw a “Wall of Fame” with pictures of a lot babies that were born with her help. That was a good sign, right? There was a series of ultrasounds I went through each month to show if I was ovulating. Every month I was ovulating at least one healthy egg. I also had blood work done showing that my hormone levels were within the normal range. I then had a hysterosalpinogram to see if there was any blockage in my fallopian tubes. I was told this would be a minor procedure that would be slightly uncomfortable. I came by myself and had the procedure done. The good news was that there was just a tiny blockage that got flushed out of my left tube and my right side was perfect. The bad news was that it hurt so bad that I had passed out from it. I had heavy cramping and bleeding for a little over a day, but was hopeful that the small blockage was what was causing the problems.
I waited a few months and the doctor decided to put me on Clomid. She already knew I was ovulating, but wasn’t sure what else we could do, so we tried it. The first month I did not have any side effects, thank goodness. I did not get pregnant though...
The second month was a different story. I was going to see a friend in Chicago the second day of taking the medicine. I missed the bus to get to Chicago, so I had to drive there. No big deal, right? Wrong. I was furious. I chased the bus with my car, and was screaming at the top of my lungs at the bus driver. I had some of the most foul things I have ever heard come out of my mouth. I then called my husband to tell him about my tragedy of missing the bus, which led to me bawling my eyes out and him hanging up on my because I was being so irrational.
I finally got to Chicago, explained to my friends what had happened, and realized I had completely lost my mind. I could not possibly go on that medication again.
The doctor had no other recommendations and diagnosed me as “unexplained infertility.” I decided to go to another doctor, who was known worldwide for some of the infertility issues that are out there. She took months to get into, but I was hopeful she would be able to find something.
The Adoption Process
In the meantime, my husband and I decided that we wanted to start the adoption process. We just wanted children...it didn't matter how they came to us. We went to a meeting about how to start the process and were overwhelmed with all of the decisions that needed to be made. After hearing about how smoothly domestic adoptions typically go, we decided to do that. We were also able to choose from many agencies who match couples with infants. We were so excited!
There were so many things to think about though...
Which agency?
Special needs?
Race?
Gender?
Wait time?
Open or closed adoption?
After a lot of research, we chose American Adoptions, a domestic agency that works with all 50 states. The birth parents get to choose the adoptive parents, which we liked. This way, we thought would make the birth parents as comfortable as possible with us.
We had been working on our paperwork, but were dragging our feet. It seems that we would switch off getting nervous and back off of the paperwork for weeks at a time. Finally, we decided to take a long weekend and stay at a cabin and finish all of the paperwork. We sent it in as soon as we got home. It took a few weeks to get our clearances...the FBI clearance took a really long time! However, we finally got word that American Adoptions had all of our paperwork and just had to look it over, set up our profile, and we would be notified when this would all happen. We were also told that that could also take a few weeks.
It was now the end of January. My husband and I decided that we wanted to go to the March for Life in Washington DC. Wow...what an experience! It was amazing to see so many people marching to the Supreme Court who all were pro-life. There were many adoption signs and an overwhelming feeling of support and love for children who have been adopted as well as parents who adopt their children. As we finished our walk and were chatting with people in front of the Supreme Court, we got a phone call. We were “active” in the adoption process!!! Now all we had to do was wait for us to be matched with a birthmother!
Waiting can be difficult. Our agency told us to continue on with our everyday lives and to try not to think about being matched. From everything we read, we had months of waiting, right?
I love kids...I always have. I chose the perfect career for it too. Teaching. I could teach children all day, and be home and have plenty of time with my family too. When I taught 5th grade, I had a girl in my class whose mother was very involved in setting up adoptions in our state. Although I was not even engaged at that point in my life, I asked for some information regarding adoption just so I could look through it...
A few years later my husband and I were married. We practiced Natural Family Planning and quickly decided that we were both ready to have children. The first few months we weren’t necessarily “trying” but I was a little surprised that I had not yet gotten pregnant. We became a bit more serious about it and began charting my cycles. I bought books on how to best chart and it was not making that much sense to me. What all of the books said would be “obvious” signs were not so obvious.
I huge fear of mine that I had had my entire life was that I would not be able to have children. I chose teaching because I thought it was the best career to have if I wanted a family. Here I was, about 6 months into trying to get pregnant, and still no baby. Not only was I going to chart my cycles, but I was also going to try ovulation tests. At first I bought the cheapest ones I could buy and then quickly bought the $40 smiley face ones that there would be no questioning if I was ovulating or not. The tests showed that I was ovulating regularly every month. I made an appointment with a fertility specialist after that. All the doctors I spoke with said that I should wait a full year of trying, but I was at 10 months and getting frustrated, so I rounded up :)
The first time I went to her office, I saw a “Wall of Fame” with pictures of a lot babies that were born with her help. That was a good sign, right? There was a series of ultrasounds I went through each month to show if I was ovulating. Every month I was ovulating at least one healthy egg. I also had blood work done showing that my hormone levels were within the normal range. I then had a hysterosalpinogram to see if there was any blockage in my fallopian tubes. I was told this would be a minor procedure that would be slightly uncomfortable. I came by myself and had the procedure done. The good news was that there was just a tiny blockage that got flushed out of my left tube and my right side was perfect. The bad news was that it hurt so bad that I had passed out from it. I had heavy cramping and bleeding for a little over a day, but was hopeful that the small blockage was what was causing the problems.
I waited a few months and the doctor decided to put me on Clomid. She already knew I was ovulating, but wasn’t sure what else we could do, so we tried it. The first month I did not have any side effects, thank goodness. I did not get pregnant though...
The second month was a different story. I was going to see a friend in Chicago the second day of taking the medicine. I missed the bus to get to Chicago, so I had to drive there. No big deal, right? Wrong. I was furious. I chased the bus with my car, and was screaming at the top of my lungs at the bus driver. I had some of the most foul things I have ever heard come out of my mouth. I then called my husband to tell him about my tragedy of missing the bus, which led to me bawling my eyes out and him hanging up on my because I was being so irrational.
I finally got to Chicago, explained to my friends what had happened, and realized I had completely lost my mind. I could not possibly go on that medication again.
The doctor had no other recommendations and diagnosed me as “unexplained infertility.” I decided to go to another doctor, who was known worldwide for some of the infertility issues that are out there. She took months to get into, but I was hopeful she would be able to find something.
The Adoption Process
In the meantime, my husband and I decided that we wanted to start the adoption process. We just wanted children...it didn't matter how they came to us. We went to a meeting about how to start the process and were overwhelmed with all of the decisions that needed to be made. After hearing about how smoothly domestic adoptions typically go, we decided to do that. We were also able to choose from many agencies who match couples with infants. We were so excited!
There were so many things to think about though...
Which agency?
Special needs?
Race?
Gender?
Wait time?
Open or closed adoption?
After a lot of research, we chose American Adoptions, a domestic agency that works with all 50 states. The birth parents get to choose the adoptive parents, which we liked. This way, we thought would make the birth parents as comfortable as possible with us.
We had been working on our paperwork, but were dragging our feet. It seems that we would switch off getting nervous and back off of the paperwork for weeks at a time. Finally, we decided to take a long weekend and stay at a cabin and finish all of the paperwork. We sent it in as soon as we got home. It took a few weeks to get our clearances...the FBI clearance took a really long time! However, we finally got word that American Adoptions had all of our paperwork and just had to look it over, set up our profile, and we would be notified when this would all happen. We were also told that that could also take a few weeks.
It was now the end of January. My husband and I decided that we wanted to go to the March for Life in Washington DC. Wow...what an experience! It was amazing to see so many people marching to the Supreme Court who all were pro-life. There were many adoption signs and an overwhelming feeling of support and love for children who have been adopted as well as parents who adopt their children. As we finished our walk and were chatting with people in front of the Supreme Court, we got a phone call. We were “active” in the adoption process!!! Now all we had to do was wait for us to be matched with a birthmother!
Waiting can be difficult. Our agency told us to continue on with our everyday lives and to try not to think about being matched. From everything we read, we had months of waiting, right?
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