Meeting the Birthmom

The drive to the hospital was the most intense drive I have ever experienced.  It wasn’t that there was traffic or we got lost, but it was that we were driving to a hospital late at night, to meet our son, who someone else just gave birth to.  How do you even begin to prepare yourself for that?  

We left LaGuardia and headed into Newark.  Driving through, we knew we were in a pretty rough area. We saw bars on all of the windows, abandoned stores and houses, and people swarming the streets.  However, the hospital was just outside of Newark, and was absolutely beautiful.  There were gorgeous stone houses all around, and the hospital was state of the art.  We got to the hospital around 8:30 at night.  As we got to the maternity wing, we had to be buzzed in.  As we rang the bell, a nurse answered and told us that we would have to come back the next day because visiting hours were over.  I quickly responded that she did not understand, we could not wait any longer and that she HAD to let us in.  That might have been the first “fiercely protective” motherly thing experienced.  I would be seeing my son that night whether they let me in or not.  Reluctantly she did let us come in and I didn’t have to break down any doors :)  Feeling I would throw up, pee my pants, cry, or some other crazy reaction because I was so nervous, we went into the birthmother’s room.  My heart sank when I saw her back to us, holding our baby.  She had 72 hours to decide whether or not she would choose adoption, and I thought, in this moment, that she had changed her mind.  As soon as she heard us though, she turned toward us, smiled, handed me our son, and said, “meet your son!”  In this moment, my entire heart belonged to this 7 pound 2 ounce baby boy.  He was amazing...everything about him.  As I held him, I just melted.  I tried to keep a distance between us, just in case she changed her mind, but I couldn’t.  He was my son and the love I had for him was a love that would stay with me forever.  I just stared at him.  I memorized every expression on his face and every hair on his head.  He was absolutely perfect.  

I’m not sure how long it was for me to realize that there were other people in the room, but eventually I came back to reality.  I handed our son to my husband to hold.  This was really the first time he had ever held a baby.  He looked so nervous and uncomfortable, but it was one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen.  The way he stared at our son was so full of love.  I knew he had also completely fallen in love with this little boy.  

I had no idea what I was going to say to his birthmother.  Where do you even begin this conversation?  Thankfully, she was just as amazing as the boy she gave birth to.  She was outgoing, sweet, loving, and talkative.  She told us all about herself, her boyfriend, family, friends, career, etc.  I tried to keep a mental note of everything she told us.  I knew that every bit of information was important, and I wanted to eventually tell our son everything we had learned about her.  I kept a small notebook at the hotel to write everything down in.  

After hours of talking with her, we figured we should let her rest.  After all, it was 2am by the time any of us even looked at a clock!  It was amazing the bond we had with her.  My husband and I both thought she was so amazing.  Now, looking back, it only makes sense that we had this strong bond with her and that we both loved her so much as well, because anyone who is biologically connected to our son has to be an incredible person.  

Heading back to our hotel, we talked about names a little bit more and decided to sleep on it.  That night we both had such peace in our hearts and slept like babies.  We woke up like kids on Christmas Day.  We were so excited to get back to the hospital and spend more time with our son.  As my husband was in the shower, I went to tell him that I liked the name he wanted to name our son, he told me he liked the name I wanted to choose.  So...I WON!  Our son would be named William.