People have tons of questions about adoption, which in general, I love. I love sharing our story and I love that people want to hear it. We talk freely about our experience, as it is part of our beautiful journey. However, there are some things that people have said (sometimes over and over) and really needs to be thought more carefully about. Our children are constantly listening, and many of these comments are quite confusing to them. And unfortunately, mainly the reasoning behind why it was said is that the adult saying it said something stupid. I feel like this could go on and on, but here are the most frequent ones I hear...
The ABSOLUTE WORST for me is also the one that is said the most..."His parents" or "real parents." I hate this. I might not speak to you again if you say this. Did you actually think about this statement at all? Have you thought of how confusing that is to my children? Have you thought of how heartbreaking it is to me? Are you questioning if I qualify as a parent? I have literally heard this from probably over 100 people. I correct each one of them. Oftentimes they will say it again later in the conversation. Seriously, don't make this mistake. It hurts everyone and makes you look like a heartless idiot.
Equally as offensive for the same reason would be "real brothers." If you have ever been around Will and Casey, you know it is as real as it gets. They tell secrets, share rooms, wrestle, beat each other up, play baseball in the backyard, etc. Are you asking if they would be a good organ donor match though, probably not.
"How much does it cost?" This one doesn't totally offend me, but I think it is weird. Most people are just being nosey. You probably wouldn't ask how much someone bought their car for, but feel okay asking about the legal fees of adoption? Strange... For those of you asking because you are actually deciding if you would be able to adopt or not, NEVER consider the cost. The money is there. Be creative. This is your child. This is your future. This is your life. MONEY DOES NOT MATTER EVEN A LITTLE IN THIS.
"They are so lucky!" Again, not really offensive. I know the person saying this is being kind. However, I don't consider my kids lucky. Each child deserves a life surrounded with love. It isn't luck, it is the way it should be. I do consider us lucky. There are so many people out there who want kids. We were blessed with them.
"So you couldn't get pregnant?" Adoption was never a second choice. It was always going to happen for Brock and me. Infertility played a factor in the timing, but is not the reason we adopted. I also find it strange that people are so comfortable talking about my fertility. Luckily I am not shy or very private, but I am guessing this question would make a lot of people who are a bit more quiet pretty uncomfortable.
